whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
