i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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