I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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