Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
