My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
