I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
