I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
