After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
