Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
