I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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