And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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