I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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