I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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