Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
