he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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