so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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