you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
