We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
