Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
