im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
