dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
