New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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