dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
