i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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