I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
