My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
