drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
