i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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