never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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