someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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