Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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