I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize