maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
