I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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