stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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