On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
