oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
