If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
