bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
