This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
