need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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