I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
