that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
