Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
