Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
