I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
