in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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