I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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