Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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