I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
should my penis look like a turkey
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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