rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
