i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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