I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
