Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
