You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
