Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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