go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
