Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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