dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
