You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
